I’m struggling with some serious balancing issues right now.
I want to run races, but even more than that, I want to spend time with my son. He is only going to be little once, and this time is going by SO FAST. He was born. I blinked, and then he was 18 months.
Soon he’ll be going to school, playing sports or doing other activities, and he won’t want to spend as much time with his mommy. And that will be a sad, sad time for me. I need and want to soak up every moment I can with him.
But, I’m also a person with wants and needs. I’m not just Max’s mommy. And I want to do activities that make me happy. Training and racing are those activities, but as I think all runners know, there has to be some balance.
I want to run alloftheraces and allofthemiles, but I have a family, friends, a job, and daily responsibilities that have to take some of my time, too. So I’m struggling every day to do as much as I can, to be a good mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, employee and runner. Pretty much every single day, I’m failing at something. I’m forgetting to send a birthday card, or distracted by my email on my phone while I’m with Max at the park, or giving up some time with my husband so I can run.
I feel so guilty when I do these things, but there aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything right. Sometimes they have to overlap. Sometimes, I have to leave work and not check my email until I return to work the next day (oh the horror!). Sometimes, I have to skip a run or cut it short. Sometimes, I have to skip folding laundry and just pull my clothes straight out of the basket and go—ok, that’s all the time. My life these days is a constant trade-off between what I have to do, what I want to do, and what I need to do.
And that’s OK. Life is messy. Life is hard. We’re all just doing the best we can. I’ll continue to try to balance everything, and most likely continue to fail.
In the end, all that matters is that my little guy is happy and knows how much he’s loved. I’ll do my best at all the other stuff, but he is priority number one forever.