Trippin’

I’ve been trippin’ lately – literally and figuratively. I’m also showing my age by saying trippin’, right?

I’m generally a positive person, I think. I definitely believe in The Secret,Β put out positivity into the world and it will come back to you and all that. I’m usually good for a few months and then I just have a meltdown. Said meltdown occurred last night.

I just feel like I’m failing a lot. Like I’m treading water and trying not to drown. I have so much to do and there’s not enough hours in the day to do it. Ultimately, I’m not getting everything done that I need to. I feel like I’m dropping the ball in every facet of my life – as a wife, a mom, a friend, an employee, etc. I feel like I’m just not living up to the expectations I have for myself.

So last night I just lost it. This was partly hormonally based, and partly because I had a rough night with Max, but the moment my husband got home from work, I was a blubbering mess. He was rightly confused and asked what was wrong.

stress

“Everything!” I wailed. I proceeded to give him the run-down. One major concern that I have right now, that’s really weighing on me and is ultimately the source of this turmoil, is that I want to be the best mom I can be. Max is getting older and I feel like I’m missing valuable time with him while I’m at work. This is the only time he will be young, and I want to enjoy every moment I can with him. I try to cram it all in on the weekends, but I still feel like there’s all this time when I’m not there.

I’m sure that every working parent struggles with this. How much time is enough with your kid? Is he forever going to remember that mom was always at work? That mommy was often getting emails and having to constantly check her phone while she’s supposed to be playing? I don’t know.

I struggle with this a lot. So in addition to this struggle, I’m also feeling like I can’t keep everything else together. My house is never clean, I’m never caught up on bills, I never see my friends and my husband and I are often passing ships in the night, sharing the pertinent details of the day as one returns from work and the other heads out to work.

So this all came out last night. No “solution” was reached, but my husband did give me a lot of reassurance and the hugs that I needed. And he gave me a gem that I am hanging on to: “You are BLESSED. You may be stressed and feel like you can’t keep up, but you have an amazing and healthy son, family, friends and a good job. It may be hard to keep up with, but the alternative would be worse.” Damn, I married a smart man.

I woke up with puffy eyes and a headache. Things do look better in the morning, and I’m starting to feel better. I just have to let the un-important stuff go and focus on my blessings. And maybe something needs to change with our current schedule. Fortunately, I’ll have an hour and 45 minutes or so of “me-time” (my half marathon) Saturday morning to think about this.

On to the literal trippin’ that occurred. I’m wearing 5 inch wedges this morning – brilliant choice 2 days before a race, I know – and was carrying Max outside with me. I tripped on the floor mat in the garage and toppled over. I managed to keep Max completely upright and didn’t shake him at all. In fact, he laughed πŸ™‚ But my big toe is a little jacked-up – that’s a medical term. Fortunately, all limbs, ankles and other necessary running body parts are intact. It was a little scary, though.

Anyway, now that I’ve poured my heart out, I’m going to face the day with a positive attitude and just relax. I’m also ripping my to-do list to shreds and focusing on my blessings today.

And eating LOTSΒ of chocolate.

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15 thoughts on “Trippin’

  1. Everyone has these feelings every once in a while (usually around THAT time of the month, but still). Sometimes I’ll come home and see dirty dishes in the sink and have a complete meltdown because I’ve been holding everything else in for the past month. I don’t have kids, but I get overwhelmed sometimes just trying to keep up with being an employee, a fiance, a cook, a maid, a dog mom, a runner, etc etc, so I can’t imagine how much more stressful it is to add MOM to that list.

    Just take a deep breath and listen to your husband.. the dirty dishes are a blessing because that means we have food to eat, the list of chores are a blessing because that means you have a home to live in. The screaming toddler is a blessing because he is the best thing in your life. Just know you aren’t alone and crying it out is sometimes the only solution πŸ™‚

  2. Hope you’re feeling a little bit better! I have probs with PMT too, just try not to beat up on yourself – which is easier said than done I know, ‘cos I do it too! BTW I know at least one woman whose only “me-time” is running – between her job, raising her son and housework – you are not alone x

  3. Mega hugs to you, mega props to your husband for being so awesome and mega healthy vibes to your toe!! Your feelings are valid and what your husband said is so true. Just try and take a deep breath and keep putting one wedged foot in front of the other.

  4. awe don’t be so hard on yourself.!! I feel like this ALL the time 😦 it’s hard sometimes to balance all aspects of life. But taking a deep breath and enjoying the little moments will help ease it. Your husband sounds like a smart guy and has your back. So don’t worry so much and enjoy that chocolate πŸ˜‰

  5. I can commiserate. I can only imagine how hard it is leaving your boy everyday, but those feelings are universal. Too much to do, not enough time to do it. It’s so hard to find balance! I hope you and your husband can work together to find a good compromise for yourselves. It sounds like you have good communication which is important. I hope you feel better! Just know- you’re not alone! Eat lots of chocolate! And wine! Wine is good too πŸ˜‰

  6. I hope you are feeling ok after your fall!! I don’t know how moms do it. I fell apart last week and I have little responsibility outside of myself, work and my cat. Sometimes a good cry or a good vent helps relieve some of the stress. At least that is what I tell myself. I hope you are feeling better!

  7. It’s so hard. You are trying to juggle so much and then on top of it all you worry about the quality of your time with your son. That’s total breakdown material right there. I could have written that type of post many times, but mainly I just wallow in my failure. It’s exactly like you said – there are no solutions to be reached some times. It’s so hard to accept that though. But you ARE doing way better than you see yourself! And nobody ever ever says “Oh yeah, when my kid was 2yo was the EASIEST time of my whole life! Yay!” You are doing amazingly well and every month you will figure out how to do it all even better than the month before!

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